Today is always an interesting day for me emotionally. I am happy and excited to see my beautiful girls turn 1 year older. But it is also a day that I tend to stop (if only for a moment) and remember the chain of events that led to Oct. 31, 1996.
My heart becomes sad and my emotions raw. Then I wonder... "do I feel like this because I have not let go? Or because I have not forgiven?" But I don't think so. I feel like this because I am simply acknowledging the place that God brought me from to where I am now. And I remember that was the day that I learned the true meaning of grace. God loved me enough (though completely undeserving) to gift me with 2 beautiful baby girls.
And then my brief moment of sadness ends and it is replaced with relief. My girls and I lived through a moment in our lives that could have defined us all completely. But instead, that moment was just 1 building block on who we are and who we will become. Through that 1 moment God has placed a burning passion in my heart to help those who can not help themselves. (the weak, the young, the sick) And I know that is because, we were once those people.
Everyone doesn't have the type of family around them like we did, everyone is not supported and loved through a teenage pregnancy. I wonder how different our world would be if people felt loved, truly loved, when they made bad choices. I bet alot would change, and I am sure that abortion #'s would change, and divorce rates would drop. (I know enough enough:-)
So I am off to enjoy a birthday that has meaning much deeper than a layer of icing or the wrapping on a package. To enjoy the celebrating of a day that 12 years ago sparked a passion, to love people differently. To love without judging, to love without needing a payoff, to hopefully love as Christ loves us. God used my girls to radically change me and the way I see others. I am sure that is why I now have a God sized hole in my heart that only He can fill with a life in ministry.
Girls,
Happy Birthday. Thank you for changing me in ways that you may never understand. Thank you for giving me a new life to live and a new reason for living it. The choices that I made in my life that led to you being born can never be changed. I can not erase the past, I can only use it for God's glory. God took a broken time in my life and healed my circumstances through your birth. You all are blessing beyond my wildest imagination. God made you perfect and with perfect plan laid out for your lives. I pray that you always seek him and trust that it is all for His glory. Happy Birthday my beautiful 12 year olds.
Oh God, you are mighty and just. You have loved me unconditionally in a way like none other. You used two wonderful little people to mold my life into something that I would have never dreamed. You used my circumstances to ignite a passion. You caused me to love differently, completely. You have provided a family and a Husband that is greater than words can express. And you loved me enough to save me from the certain death of my sins. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for trusting me enough to be a parent. And thank you that when I screw up, you forgive me over and over again. I pray for my Girls today. I pray that you will hold them close and protect them. God I pray that you give them passion and purpose to live for you. And I thank you for all that I have been through, because it has led me to where I am. You are good.
My heart becomes sad and my emotions raw. Then I wonder... "do I feel like this because I have not let go? Or because I have not forgiven?" But I don't think so. I feel like this because I am simply acknowledging the place that God brought me from to where I am now. And I remember that was the day that I learned the true meaning of grace. God loved me enough (though completely undeserving) to gift me with 2 beautiful baby girls.
And then my brief moment of sadness ends and it is replaced with relief. My girls and I lived through a moment in our lives that could have defined us all completely. But instead, that moment was just 1 building block on who we are and who we will become. Through that 1 moment God has placed a burning passion in my heart to help those who can not help themselves. (the weak, the young, the sick) And I know that is because, we were once those people.
Everyone doesn't have the type of family around them like we did, everyone is not supported and loved through a teenage pregnancy. I wonder how different our world would be if people felt loved, truly loved, when they made bad choices. I bet alot would change, and I am sure that abortion #'s would change, and divorce rates would drop. (I know enough enough:-)
So I am off to enjoy a birthday that has meaning much deeper than a layer of icing or the wrapping on a package. To enjoy the celebrating of a day that 12 years ago sparked a passion, to love people differently. To love without judging, to love without needing a payoff, to hopefully love as Christ loves us. God used my girls to radically change me and the way I see others. I am sure that is why I now have a God sized hole in my heart that only He can fill with a life in ministry.
Girls,
Happy Birthday. Thank you for changing me in ways that you may never understand. Thank you for giving me a new life to live and a new reason for living it. The choices that I made in my life that led to you being born can never be changed. I can not erase the past, I can only use it for God's glory. God took a broken time in my life and healed my circumstances through your birth. You all are blessing beyond my wildest imagination. God made you perfect and with perfect plan laid out for your lives. I pray that you always seek him and trust that it is all for His glory. Happy Birthday my beautiful 12 year olds.
Oh God, you are mighty and just. You have loved me unconditionally in a way like none other. You used two wonderful little people to mold my life into something that I would have never dreamed. You used my circumstances to ignite a passion. You caused me to love differently, completely. You have provided a family and a Husband that is greater than words can express. And you loved me enough to save me from the certain death of my sins. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for trusting me enough to be a parent. And thank you that when I screw up, you forgive me over and over again. I pray for my Girls today. I pray that you will hold them close and protect them. God I pray that you give them passion and purpose to live for you. And I thank you for all that I have been through, because it has led me to where I am. You are good.
2 comments:
thanks. i'm crying now.
you rock lindsay.:)
Happy BDay Girls...hope you had a special day! :)
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