11 years ago

Eleven years ago I was young and stupid. ( Now I have only aged a little :-)  I had made more mistakes in my 20 years than most make in a lifetime.  I have hurt people, hurt myself, and most definitely hurt God.  My choices were self serving and short sided.
But somewhere in God's breath of time He decided that He wanted more for my life.  He decided a plan for my life that was pure,blameless, and God serving.  But I chose differently. 
Eleven years ago I was driving the road and became so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit that I had to pull over.  My heart hurt so badly that I thought I was going to be physically sick.  I was at a crossroads in my life where I had to choose me or God.  I grew in a church and home where not being a Christian wasn't an option.  Everyone was.  But making God "Lord" was a different story.  I had never given up control over my life and up until that point I had been fighting God's plans for my life.  That fight had left me beaten up, robbed, and hopeless. 
On the day I gave up my life, I also found life.  From that point of surrender God began to show me what He had designed for my life.  An amazing husband, unbelievable children, and a life in ministry.
 I was sitting here this morning reading and came across Genesis 50:20. 

The scripture comes from the story of Joseph.  Years before, he had been sold into slavery by his brothers and now they had come back to Joseph and begged for his forgiveness. And Joseph answers with
 ²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Now I don't pretend to be Joseph and I certainly wasn't sold into slavery by my brother.  But maybe I sold myself.  Because of my choices I became a slave to my selfishness and sin.  So as much as I would like to play the victim and blame other people for my life, it really comes back to me.  It was my choices that were going to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Eleven years later I am sitting in a chair in my home, with 4 children running around, and a wonderful husband walking through the house.  We are preparing to go spend the weekend away to celebrate our Anniversary.  As I sit here this morning my heart is so full it hurts.  I love my life and I am so thankful that I serve a God who wouldn't give up on me.  Who stands outside of time and watches bad choices being made and who can turn those choices into ministry for His good. I am thankful to a God who loves me in spite of me.

~LL