Heart Grumblings

As a stay-at-home mom/wife the majority of my day is consumed with "running" the house.  I, like most stay-at-home moms/wives, could give you a huge list of all the things we are responsible for looking after.  The lists are crazy and cover more than seem humanly possible. But....we do it.  Day in and day out, and most of the time without complaint. (that is excusing the occasional yelling fit and tantrum that we throw because someone does something "again" for the 487x) 

A couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that if I do my job well, then no one will notice. In one way that is sort of a depressing thought, but for me that has given me quite a bit of comfort.  It keeps me from grumbling in my heart when no one sees that I have done 4 loads of laundry today, or that it's the third time I've cleaned the bathrooms this week.  After all let's be honest... It's the grumbling in our hearts that gets us.  I am pretty good, about 75%of the time about keeping those fights to myself. But it's the "to myself" that can be so destructive.  It's there in the quiet of my mind that the bad stuff can cause the damage. But if I can agree that "job well done" is the compliment that comes in the silence, then my heart doesn't seem to grumble as much. 

Since moving to our new city, new home, new church my heart seems to grumble a lot :). I can't seem to find the same resolve and peace for doing the things that I had come to enjoy. In fact I find that I am just plain grumpy about some of it.  I think it is because I feel lonely.  Most of my time has been spent on the house or running our kids places.  So I am busy but alone in my mind. I haven't found that sweet spot where things just work they way they are supposed to. The kind where you run into Target and see 4 people that you wished you didn't see because it's a "no make-up, pony tail" day. Most of my heart grumblings are just simply because we are in a new place and not comfy.  I still have those "no make-up" days at Target, we just don't see people we know yet.

But here's the thing, I am working very hard right now to listen and watch for what God has for me to hear and see. In the routine of life we miss so much. If our heart grumbles too loudly then we will miss the lessons and we become the party planner for our own pity party.  We will get so caught up in our own woes that miss all that is being done around us and for us. 

Here are some of my lessons so far:

God sees me. When I feel as if I am invisible and my mom/wife work is unseen.  God sees me.  He sees my heart and it is only from him that true joy in my work can come.

My mission field right now has 4 walls and a roof.  It isn't a foreign country. It isn't even the neighbors down the street.  It is my home and my children. If my missiology is practiced well and bathed in prayer then maybe just maybe, Lord willing, we can send them out as a piece of the great commission.  

Love the people God places in front of me.  Without questions just love them.  This one is big for me.  God is showing me that I am judgemental and nosey through this lesson.  I normally want to know someone's back story. But I am figuring out that is because I want to judge their situation for myself.  So instead, my challenge is to simply love without questions or curiousity.  

Enjoy the quiet!  And be quiet.  Turn off the tv, radio, my own voice and just listen to what God wants to say.  It won't stay quiet forever.  So learn to love it now. Because in time the quiet will slip back into chaos and you won't miss it if you don't learn to love it.  

~LL