Hope

To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

The road that we have traveled over the past year and a half has been rough (to say the least). It has been the most trying time that I have ever faced. I recently read a blog that talked about being "thankful" for things that seem impossible to be thankful for. (She has since deleted the post or I would link you to it. The blog post was on Bring the Rain and some of you may have caught it before she deleted it. She is wonderfully transparent and real) It was one of the most touching blogs that I have read in a long time. (and the comments..... wow.... they just broke my heart.)

The idea was basically Fake it till you make it! She challenged us to write down something that we were NOT thankful for but wanted to be, something that we wanted to praise God for but couldn't, a silver lining that we knew had to be there somewhere, but we haven't found it yet. (These are my words not hers. This is what I heard in my heart as I read her blog.) As I scrolled through the comments I read of divorces, lost children, death, sicknesses, hurt after hurt after hurt. Some that I read went like this:

Thank you God for the father of my children who abandoned us this year.

Thank you God for my 3rd miscarriage.

Thank you God for the death of my Mom.

Thank you God for my cancer.

As I began to read the tears began to flow. These comments were from women who were hurting, and reaching out, grasping on to hope. Hope, that someway, somehow they would one day be truly Thankful. But today, they just weren't there. The comment that stuck out to be the most was one that said : Thank you God for 2000.

It hit home..... because mine would say 2008.

This has been the hardest year of my life. My head knows that God has used all that we have gone through to bring glory to him and because of that I desperately want to be THANKFUL, but my heart is feeling something a little different. My heart still feels the sting of all the things that have gone wrong.

When I think back over the past year I feel like I have lived out a Lifetime movie. (Minus the drug addicted neighbor who decides to kill the teacher who was sleeping with the judge who convicted her brother of armed robbery at the local supermarket where the cashier worked who sold her her drugs :-)(sorry I have an active imagination)

I am convinced that someday I must "Fake it till I make it". Some days I must choose to be thankful even when I am not feelin' it. Like when I am sick again, or when our house is sold in a foreclosure auction, or when ends don't meet again, I will choose to be thankful, even if I have to fake it a little.

One day my heart and my head will agree on this subject, but for now I will place my hope in God, who promises to help me when I am weak.

Romans 8:26-28 (NLT)
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

There is a song that God uses (almost everyday) to speak to my hurt. It is by Addison Road called Hope Now. I find my self in tears all to often as I sing the words:

When I call out Your name

Something inside awakes in my soul

How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I think that we often forget that we are His. It is amazing to me what happens when we call out his name. I may not be able to always be thankful for situations that come, but I am thankful for a God who gives us hope. For a God who uses evil for good. For a God who knows that one day I will be thankful for all that we have been through, and who patiently waits for me to arrive. The song goes on to say: I am not my own, I have been carried by you all my life. Everything rides on Hope now. Everything rides on faith somehow, when the world has broken me down, your love sets me free.

Thank you God for loving me and being my shelter from the storm. Thank you for being my hope, because your love has truly set us free.

and

Thank you God for 2008.

**Update- This seemed like a real downer blog, but that wasn't how I meant it. Things are definitely, hopefully :-) moving in a good direction. We healing and moving forward. I am so grateful that God has protected our family through all of this. We can definitely see where He has held us close.

Many thoughts

This week has been a full week. So I welcome this weekend to be off and to rest. My week began last Friday (yes I know that the week doesn't actually begin on a Friday. But please just humor me with understanding.) I begin again.... My week began last Friday where I spent around 2 hours and 45 minutes in the dentist office. And 2 hours and 30 minutes with my mouth wide open and turned half upside down. I opted to have all of, my much needed, dental work done in one visit. (for scheduling purposes)
As our "week" went on, slowly everyone in our house was getting sick with the wonderful sinus/cough/runny nose/feel like crap sickness. I stayed home from church on Sunday with all of the kids just because we felt pretty rotten. Monday came I went to work and Hubby went to the doctor with the little kids. Only to be told "they have a cold". (thought: Hello can I have our life savings back? Yeah, the one that you just took and called a "co-pay".) The week went on and Wednesday landed me at the doctor with a sinus infection. Thursday, Hubby went to the doctor for the same diagnosis. (at least we got antibiotics out of our doctor)
Thursday night my brother called me about a death in our family. A cousin on my father's side. My brother's blog sheds wonderful light on her death. My heart has been so heavy since Thursday night. Her death was sudden and tragic, and it has left many people hurt and confused. I am broken hearted for the parents who have lost their child and children who have lost their mother. She was many things to many people, so she will be forever missed.
Today, hubby left with one of the older girls to head to a VT game. It will be her first. Dad was pretty excited to show her around his beloved VT. They packed a suitcase full of warm clothing that they planned to put on once they got there. Right now it is 28 degrees in Blacksburg, Va. I am sure that they will have a freezing, good time.
Shel and I have spent the better part of the day cooking. Actually, she has been cooking and I have been her moral support. She made a wonderful beef stew and some fantastic chocolate chip/devils food cake cookies. It is always great to spend time individually with the kids.
As you have read, this week has been long. (especially since it began on last Friday) Next week will be a busy week in the store I am in. As it includes Thanksgiving and Black Friday. I am sure that it will be full of people who are unthankful and greedy. But I will pray that somewhere in that crowd, will be people who remember it is Thanksgiving and who know the true meaning of Christmas, and if not... I will kick them in the shin and remind them.... just kidding (kind of) hopefully I can try to be the calm in the "storm" of retails version of Christmas (that is a whole different blog so I won't go there now)

Have a great weekend! Please keep my Father's side of the family in your prayers this weekend.
God, thank you for the business of this past week. Thank you for using it to remind me that you are the God of peace in a world that is crazy. Thank you for holding my health in your hands and giving me each day to live with my family. Please continue to keep us focused and real.

Friend

What is the definition of Friend?

Webster says:
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4: a favored companion

Facebooks says:
Your friends on Facebook are the same friends, acquaintances and family members that you communicate with in the real world. You can use any of the tools on this page to find more friends.
A judge ruled that friends on facebook are not REAL friends. (read here)

Friends Tv show
(Aired now by WB) Says:
A show about friendship... where your friends are your family.



Jesus Says:
John 15:12-15 (NIV)
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:12
The Message
11-15"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.


My point....

There are many definitions of a friend. From giving your life....to....clicking a friend request button. The world obviously waters down the true definition of friend, quite a bit. We live in a society where friendship is a matter of convenience. It is all about "what can I get out of it". Once the friendship doesn't serve OUR needs, then we cut it off. But when Jesus talks about friendship he talks about it in a different way. He talks about loving your friends and even laying down your life for your friends. Jonathan loved David like his own soul. 1 Samuel 18:1-3
I guess my real point in all of this is that we should think before we call someone a FRIEND. My life has consisted of many people that I have called my friend, and I admit wrongly so. Many of these people fit the world's definition to a T. Their "friendship"has proven to be a demonstration of my selfishness (and insanity :-) I have titled them FRIEND because I was I needed something (known or unknown). Shame on me for putting such an important title on a person that could not fulfill the role.

It is said that "you can name your true friends on one hand"....I would agree. Our true friends have loved us more than I could ever have dream. They have stood beside us through it all. And they have invested in something that will last a life time. You have painted a picture of what true friends look like.

Thank you.
Phil.1:3-6
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

There is more than corn...

We are slowly getting back in the groove this morning after a long weekend away. Hubby and I had the pleasure of getting out of town for the weekend w/o kiddos. We headed to Indiana to visit a church. We also were very excited to get to see Hubby's sister and her family.

Over the next weeks please take some time and pray for us and for ECC (the church we visited). Everyone will be taking steps in some direction and everyone will need much prayer in order to do that. We know that we serve a God who has already written what will happen. We know that we serve a God who's timing and planning is perfect. And we know that we serve a God who loves us. So please pray for all of us through this process.



On a little less serious note... this weekend was great. Tons of laughs and new friends. Here are some of the interesting things that I learned this weekend:

1: It is stinkin cold there... and they still call it fall.

2:POP? Uh... translation please: Coke.

3: It is really cold and it isn't winter yet. YIKES!

4:A Worship song might sound like a song from a Barbie movie , if you play it over and over in your head ?? (At least in some peoples head. Thanks Carla)

5:Sticky pads apparently don't kill large rats, even if you come at them with oven mitts and BBQ tongs. (Thanks Greg)

6: Did I say that it was cold? Oh and windy! And it isn't winter there yet.

7: White Mocha is good fuel for the body and it warms you up.

8: Bumper sticker: Proud Child of a tobacco free parent.

9: LOST is a universal language amongst the intelligent. (Yes, that means if you don't watch LOST you aren't.....)

10: You really can have a RAM show up in your back yard in Indiana.

11: It is really, really windy and cold there.



Bottom line.... There is more than corn in Indiana.

Worship Leaders born or developed???