Pride

Ouch! That is a term that stings no matter who it is pointed at and/or how is it said. You can't say, "you are prideful" without it having a pretty strong effect on someone. You can't look at someone (with a big sweet grin) and say "Aww honey, you look so prideful today" or "wow that Pride looks great on you". How about "Dang! You look HAWT in the pride!" Nope, no matter how you say it, it is not taken too kindly.

. But that is what God saying to me lately.

God has begun to shine a light on areas of my life that I saw as one thing, are actually just plain and simple PRIDE. :-(
Example 1: I love to sing, love it! But I wouldn't be caught dead singing in front of anyone.
Example 2: I love to talk. 1 on 1 I really enjoy private conversations. But in front of a group. Uh! Hello! I don't think so. It makes me want to puke. Or cry. Or puke and cry (which would be really bad).

As I examine things like this I see that it is fear that makes me feel this way. Fear of being laughed at, fear of not being accepted, fear of being laughed at, fear of not living up to whatever or (did I mention) fear of being laughed at.

As I have been reading in 1 Samuel it shows how time and time again Saul's pride got in the way of doing what God had called him to do. Not always the "look at me, I'm so great" kind of pride. But sometimes it was his low self-esteem. He focused so much on what people thought of him that is self-centeredness eventually cost him dearly, as self-focus always does.

Hmmm, self-focus.

I would say that all of my fears come from: what will people think of me, how will I be received, will I look stupid, etc. etc. SELF-FOCUS Instead of: how will this look to God, will He be pleased, etc. God-Focus

This is a HUGE work in progress. I am taking itty, bitty, teeny, tiny baby steps out of my comfort zone. Working very hard to not be easily embarrassed and to take things in stride. After all it is all for His glory. Right?? Right!!

I was going through my day. Taking my itty bitty steps and WHAM! God sent me a dooooozy. In the form of---Our Pastor asking if all the staff wives would do something on stage, in church together.

UH, HELLO! God. What in the world are you doing? I am trying to take these steps out of my pride. I am working on it. Slow and steady wins the race. Right? And now you want me to WHAT????? (Deep breath, don't have a panic attack, deep breath in, out, in, out. Oh I think my Crohn's is hurting (you know stress will do that, right?) I think I am gonna puke and cry at the same time.)





This will be me on stage. Can't you see me now. HHHHHHHHHI. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMy NNNNNNNNNNNNaaamme iiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssss Li Li Li Lin (PUKE)
___


Like I said, God's working on me.
(I'll let you know how this all turns out.And if I throw up on anyone.)


A neat statement I read in my devotion was,"Genuinely humble people have enormous confidence because it rests in a great God!"

I believe that. I know that I serve a GREAT God. One who is bigger than my fears. Bigger than my worries. (and yes, Bigger than the boogie man.)

God help me to be genuinely humble and to have a confidence that can only be explained because of you. Help me to only point people to you. Help me to learn from the mistakes of Saul and to only live for your approval. Thank you God for giving me a life and a an opportunity to worship and praise you. I pray that it please you.