Happy Birthday Twins 1.0

11 years ago today I had the pleasure of welcoming 2 of my favorite people in the world, into the world. Little did I know then, where God would land me today. I could never have dreamed in a million years that I would end up with 2 sets of twins, homeschooling and a ministers wife.

11 years ago the most I could dream was giving birth to healthy babies, finishing high school and hoping to go to college. All I knew was that I needed to do this for my new baby girls. My life at that point had been a series of bad choices that eventually caught up to me. When I found out that I was pregnant I was lost. I didn't know which way was up. The one thing I did know, was the amazing love that I immediately felt towards my unborn child. When I found out that was pregnant with twins I was overwhelmed. 17, pregnant with twins, a junior in high school, and a "very" single parent. I had wonderful support of everyone in my family, but that didn't change that it was my life and my children.

God began to work on my heart through these precious little girls. He began to open my eyes to the true meaning of grace. I had always thought (before my babies) that when someone got pregnant outside of marriage it was "GOD'S PUNISHMENT" (boom.... boom.... boom). But from the moment I could feel little angel wings fluttering in my stomach I knew, that a child could never be punishment. Grace by definition is: Undeserved favor or gift. Undeserved forgiveness.
Wow! As I looked in the faces of my beautiful babies, "Grace" was ALL I saw. Undeserved favor. My God loved me so much that entrusted me with the keep of two of His children.

A year and a half after my life was blessed with these angels, I was shown Grace again. God found us the perfect Husband and perfect Daddy. Not many men could step into the shoes that I had created. But this guy was something special. He was gentle and patient. He showed me the love of Christ in ways that you only read about in books. And more than what he showed me, was what he showed the girls. One year after we were married Hubby was able to "officially" become daddy. God had created him for this role. Molded him into the perfect man to handle this task. And given him the will to become that man. In the coming years we would move a couple of times, a couple of states, and have a couple more kids. All the while- B and S were growing into the young ladies that they are today.

B- is the most compassionate person I have ever met. Sometimes it can be interpreted as weakness, crybaby, brat. But deep down it is compassion. Compassion is a gift only to be handed to the strongest. The ones who can handle taking on the problems of the world and wrapping their arms around them in a hug. She is so gentle and mothering. She doesn't understand why the world is mean, she doesn't understand why they all don't just love. She laughs the loudest when things are funny and cries the hardest when things get bad. She is all heart. She is my hero. When I wake up in the mornings I want to be like her. I want to love more and love harder. I pray that she always loves completely. I pray that she shows the world what it means to LoveGod, LoveAll.
S- is the most passionate person I have ever met. Sometimes it can be interpreted as rebellious, smart mouth, angry. But deep down it is fire. Passion can be a gift or a curse. If placed in the wrong hands it can be like Hitler. But in the right hands it can be like Martin Luther King Jr. Passion or lack of is what defines a leader as good or bad. Passion is a gift to be handed out to only the most cogent of people. S, can scream the loudest when she is mad and smile the biggest when she is happy. She is full of extremes. While her sister hugs and cares for the problems of the world, she will fight to change them. She is all spunk. She is my hope. I hope that she will do more with her passion than I have. And live bigger than I ever dream, while changing the world on her journey.

Happy Birthday my beautiful 11 year olds!! Thank you for changing my life and one day the world.

God thank you for entrusting these beautiful young ladies to us for the past 11 years. Thank you for all that they have brought to our family. Thank you for loving me enough to show your grace in such an amazing way. God I pray for the mothers that will never hold their babies because they didn't chose life. God please heal their heart with your mercy and grace. When the pain is to much for them to bare, please hold them close. God help us to all us our pains, so that we can glorify you. Thank you for forgiving us. Thank you for grace.

Catch up not Mustard

I am awful! I just got pictures off of my camera and I realized that they are MONTHS old. It makes it a little hard to keep people updated on our lives with there are numerous adventures to blog about. So I will give you the short trip through our past months.
(Pictures are on the sidebar)

1. Trip to see Virginia Tech with my darling hubby. We called it our anniversary trip. Because we got to go WITHOUT the little ones. We had a blast! I must say, watching football live and in person is so much better than any HD TV can offer. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day and I had the best company ever.

2. Trip to Atlanta. We had the opportunity to see my brother and his fam while we were there. Steph. was so wonderful and kept the kids for us while we (Hubby, me, and our church staff) went to a conference.



3. Punkin Patch (as little Bear calls it). We took off out to a big pumpkin patch and let all the kids pick a favorite. It was cool to see their personalities come out in the pumpkins that they chose. Shel- Different shaped kind of funky looking. Very cool. Biddy- Perfect. Normal. Bear- As big as he could carry. Pey Pey- A little baby pumpkin. (so she could be a mommy to it)


Hope you enjoy the catch up. I will try to do better with pictures next time!

Why Blog

As I jump from blog to blog addicted to reading about people's lives I wonder........ why do they write? Why do they share what they share with ANYONE who wants to venture into their blog world and read?

Well here is my answer to that...

I blog because I love to write. At some point in my life I pray that God will allow me to write a book (or 3). My blog gives me a place to keep my mind working and writing. It also gives me a place to empty my mind. At any given point I feel like I have an entire library worth of thoughts swimming through my mind. And lets just get real, being at home with 4 kids doesn't always allow for the greatest of opportunities to share my thoughts.

Why do I share it with the world? Why don't I just journal? I love the thought that somewhere in all the craziness of 2 sets of twins, a life as a ministers wife, a homeschooling family, the nasty smell of chickens on the Eastern Shore, and all the other insanity that comes on a daily basis, that it could inspire or help someone. Or maybe let someone know that they aren't they only one going through "it".

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” C.S. Lewis

Maybe somewhere in it all..... Friendships will be born.

Meekness

Do you know the true meaning of the word? I think I thought I knew the meaning. When I imagine the word meek, a lamb comes to mind. When I think of a lamb I think of something calm, snugly, easily eaten. (sorry)


None of these are characteristics (calm, snugly, easily eaten) that I would say are me. But then I opened my devotion this morning and it was about meekness, and my understanding of this word was challenged. The definition of the word is: Showing patience and humility; gentle.

And if I were humble, I would openly admit that none of these characteristics are me either. (But I am prideful and don't want to admit that) I am definitely NOT patient or gentle. As I read scripture I was amazed at how much humility and meekness are used.

Col. 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Zephaniah 2:3 Seek the LORD, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the LORD's anger.

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls

I always saw meekness as weakness. I think I even saw an element of "weakness" in the suffering of The Lamb of God. I felt like Christ being "weak" was part of the ultimate sacrifice. I have always had in my head that if Christ wanted to come down of that cross He could have. He would have just chosen to be strong and step down. I don't think I have ever looked at it with eyes to see the strength it took him to stay up there. His meekness, His gentleness, His humility WAS His strength.

HMMM..... brings a whole new perspective about being strong willed.

I must say that I am definitely a fighter. I use the term "passionate" when I describe one of my 10 year olds, who is also very strong willed. Definition of passionate: capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling .

So my question is can we be both? Can we be meek and passionate? I am not sure of that answer but I do know this.... I was born strong willed and meekness is a choice. So only with God's help can I be the meek person that I He is calling me to be. To me meekness means: Not fighting back, keeping my mouth shut, and completely forgiving people. Not having to be right or first or the best at everything. Just serving. Christ washed the feet of the one He KNEW would betray Him. He broke bread and shared His table with the man who would stab Him in the back and lead to His crucifixion.

God help me to be meek. Help me to be passionate about the things that are glorifying to you. Help me to fight for YOUR causes and YOUR agenda. Help me to not fight back, to not sulk, and to not carry a chip. May the cross always remind me of your ultimate example of strength and meekness innertwind. Forgive me when I am arrogantly strong willed. Help me to choose to be humble and meek.

"GO"

As many of you know, I will have the privilege and honor of traveling to Guatemala in Jan. 08 with a team from our church. This type trip has been something that I have dreamed of for a long time. I have said before, that if God ever said to Hubby "go" (into foreign missions) then I couldn't get my bags packed quick enough.

I have always known that God had placed a calling on my heart for missions. In the past years He has placed a special calling in me for Africa. Specifically dealing on some level with the Genocide in Sudan and the AIDs epedemic. I am not sure how or when but my heart weeps to help. I am brought to tears with the simplest of conversations about Africa. I can't even type without tears swelling.

It is interesting as we prepare for this trip to Guatemala. I find myself sometimes thinking, "HEY God!!! Did you forget how to spell Africa. It is not G-u-a-t-e-m-a-l-a". But then I am quickly reminded that we are call to go into ALL the world, not just one part. I am constantly being stretched and molded by this trip. Having to let go of worries about home, expectations of what I think the trip "should" be, things that I want, and personal issues. Hopefully by the time January comes I will be stripped of my junk and ready to serve, completely.

Last night we had a meeting about this trip. We watched videos and talked about all that is there. It is an interesting emotion that I feel when I look at pictures or videos and hear stories about Guatemala. I am not "astonished" by the poverty, "sicken" by the living conditions, "astounded" that people can live this way,"amazed" "depressed" or "dumbfounded". I looked around the room and saw people who were completely caught off guard by what they saw. But I don't feel any of those things. Maybe it is because that calling on my life came long ago, maybe it is because, as a young child I remember my mom sharing her memories from a trip to the Phillipeans and the poverty that she saw. I don't know. But inside I am SCREAMING, "I GET IT." "I get that people are dying each second." "I get that children are dying from AIDs that their mothers passed on to them." "I get that Americans....specifically christian Americans aren't doing enough." " I GET IT!!!"
BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!!! Eight days in Guatemala is not enough.

God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served Jesus,
You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go
To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in everyway
Walking humbly before You God
You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord



What will I do to to follow the command "Go". What will you do where will you go? Is God calling you to Africa, China, your back yard?

God I pray that over the next months that you will break all of our hearts so that we may see that 8 days is not enough. Thank you for sending me to Africa through Guatemala. I know that one day I will go. You have called us to take care of the widows and the orphans, but we have refused. FORGIVE US!! Forgive us for not opening our homes, and our heart to those who need us. God, please "Fill us up and send us out".

The Sun still Rises

Mt. Sinai ....................Italy...............Antarctica ..................Africa


After being up a little later last night than I like to be, I hit my snooze this morning. (Ok not completely true.... I have recently moved my alarm across the room so that hitting the snooze is alot more work. So this morning I got up and hit the OFF instead and then laid back down.)
Now believe me, my heart is in the right place. I REALLY want to get up. But my legs just won't let me. In my mind I get up and get dressed, go walking, do my quiet time, fix breakfast for the fam., shower while they are eating, find the cure for cancer while getting dressed, become a great chef while drying my hair, become a belly dancer, sing on American Idol, win the lottery, dye my hair blue, have more twins, AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Then I realize I never got out of bed, and it is now an hour and a half later than when I first got up. Oh well, another morning shot!
I tried to sneak my clothes on and head out the door for a quiet morning walk, but I was greeted with, (in a whisper) HEY MOMMY! HEY! PSSSSSSSSSS! MOMMY!! (we finally got him to quit screaming at the top of his lungs for me to come get him and now he does this cute little whisper.) So I decided to take him with me for my "not so quiet" quiet time walk. We got about 2 houses down and we were both to cold so we came home. Oh well!
As I sat down on the couch to read my devotion and have a "not so quiet" quiet time. (after all God must appreciate my prayers with Barney on in the background) As I sat on the couch the sun began to peak over the trees in our neighborhood and through my window. The warmth of the sun on my face is so refreshing. I can't help but to turn towards it, close my eyes, and just sit in its warmth. As I sat in the (hardly silent) silence, I just felt God saying "I am here". It almost made me laugh at all of my "other days". The stress, the junk, the poo. What an amazing thing to KNOW that our God is here no matter what. All the junk and stress do not change that He is more constant than the sunrise. As I breathe in the cool, refreshing air that comes through my window this morning with the wam sun, I am reminded, " That the sun still rises, no matter what, and today is a new day."
I began to look at pictures of sunrises all over the world. What an amazing thing that it is the same sun in all of those pictures. The same God in all of those places.

God today I lift up our brothers and sisters all over the world. May they feel the warmth of Your presence in their lives. May the beautiful sun rise and sunset be a constant reminder of your greatness. Thank you for its beauty and warmth as it popped over the trees this morning, reminding me of You. Thank you for giving me a new day. May I move forward in my day, not looking back, only desiring the future that you have paved for me to walk.

Pile of Poo

Today I feel a little lost. I sat on the corner of my bed this morning praying that God would help me find my emotions. One minute I am sad, the next I am angry, and the next I am psychotically laughing at it all. You see over the past weeks we have been dealing with some little crappy stuff at church (duh, it's church, what else would I expect) and over the past 2 days that "little crappy stuff" has turned into "Heaping piles of Elephant Dung" and I feel like a dung beetle.

Did you know...Many dung beetles, known as rollers, are noted for rolling dung into spherical balls, which are used as a food source or brooding chambers. Other dung beetles, known as tunnellers, bury the dung wherever they find it. A third group, the dwellers, neither roll nor burrow: they simply live in manure.

Sorry, I had to chase that rabbit so you could truly understand how I feel. Now... knowing what you now know about dung beetles, can you guess which one best represents our church life right now. HMMMMMMM...... yep we'd be the dwellers. I wonder if the dung beetles who are dwellers, dwell in the poo because the pile is too overwhelming. Maybe the pile of poo is easier to lie down in and feed on, than to attempt to remove it. Well, ding ding ding. That would be how I feel. As things have come to a head in some areas it just seems so overwhelming. Hubby goes to work to deal with it all and my day goes on like "normal" with the kids and our home life. I am emotionally drained when I go to bed and not much changes when I get up. So I start my day off, tired, emotionally empty, and 1 1/2 after my alarm went off.

I accepted Christ as a Child. So there isn't memory of "Life as a Lost person". But I imagine that it feels hopeless. No light at the end of the tunnel. No comfort in knowing that there is a purpose for everything. Well, when I search my heart trying to find my emotions....this is what I find. Hopelessness. It seems like the pile of poo is just too much and I can't even begin to dig. In fact it is just easier to lay down.

2 Thessalonians 2: 16-17- 16May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

So, after I read and write and re-read that scripture I am uplifted. I know that this is just a season, in church life. To bad this season comes around more than I would like it to. But nevertheless, it IS A season. And this too shall pass. I am also encouraged to know that the dung beetles have such an important place in our world. I am not sure that anyone would ever choose to be a dung beetle. Infact I have NEVER heard, "If I could choose another life, I'd be a poop roller." But without dung beetles the crap would overwhelm the world. Hmmm, kind of sounds like a ministry job.

Maybe today I will choose to be a "roller". After all, I would much rather roll it away, than feed on it.

God help me to see the forest AND the trees, never missing either. Because they are all important to you. Help me to see my/our purpose in this pile of poo that we are living in right now. Help me to laugh instead of cry. Help me to be uplifting instead of dead weight. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for using your unique creation of a beetle, to show me that we all have purpose. Help me to step up and be proactive in this situation and not to just sit on my toosh and be overwhelmed. God be my strength! Because I have none. (I guess that is just where you want me)

Ta Ta for now, I have some rollin' to do do. :-)

Poverty Sucks

We just returned from a great couple (or 4) days in Atlanta, Ga. We got to spend one day with my brother and his family before heading off to a conference. We were so blessed to have them keep ALL the kids for us so that we could go to this conference. Catalyst is a conference for church leaders. So the entire staff of our church went. It is 2 days of speakers and music. (not music speakers, but speakers who talk). Speakers ranged from Rick Warren- Craig Groeschel- Andy Stanley- John Maxwell. As you can imagine, it was a powerful 2 days. There was so much to take away from this conference that I would never do it justice by trying to sum it up in 1 blog. So I am sure that as the spirit moves me, I will blog on and on about it all. Today what has been impressed on my heart is "the world". We heard quite a bit about looking outside the 4 walls of our church and reaching the world. LoveGod, LoveAll. We brought home TONS of "stuff" from this conference. My favorite being a t-shirt that says POVERTYSUCKS. Offensive? Maybe. But I guess that is the point.
I was really moved by the thought of what it TRUELY means in James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
Half the world, nearly 3 billion people live on less than $2 a day. Every 14 seconds a child is orphaned by AIDS. It is estimated that 28 million people world wide have died from AIDS. Of the 42 million men, women and children still living with HIV/AIDS, 70% are in sub-Saharan Africa.
So... worse than that is the FACT that less than 3% of evangelicals Christians said that they would be willing to help. Can these be the same people who profess to follow God, who according to Psalms 68:5 is "a father to the fatherless, a defender of the widows"? Everyday almost 16,000 children die from hunger related causes. That is one child EVERY 5 seconds.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Yes, poverty does suck!! But it isn't enough to just wear my offensive t-shirt. What am I willing to do to change the world? What is my church willing to do? One speaker that we heard this week was a man by the name of Francis Chan (affectionately known in our group as Jackie Chan, because we could never remember his name)he is in a church in California. He talks about how his church has just voted to give 50% of their budget to ministries outside the church. In order to love their neighbors as themselves, they are going to give as much outside the church as they spend on themselves. They are even talking about meeting in an outdoor amphitheater rather than a church building in order to save millions of dollars, that would be better spent on others. Again I ask.... What am I willing to do? What are you willing to do? What are our churches willing to do? To change these statistics.

When do we get to do ministry?

Being in a church and hubby being on staff has its rewards and pains. Both the people who are rewards and the people who are pains keep our lives very interesting. Without both types of people I don't think I could call it "ministry". I could also call these people- The ones who Bless us and the ones that need us to Bless them.
Each week or sometimes each day there is someone who calls and has some kind of problem. Sometime it is something in the church that has hurt or upset them, and sometimes that problem is us. To be quite honest, It SUCKS some days. I get so tired of people and their "problems with us or the church". In my mind I am thinking.... there are starving children in the world, there are people who will not get up in the morning because they were sick and they died in the night, there are millions of people dying everyday from AIDS, and you are calling my house (or emailing) to talk about something ridiculous. GET A GRIP!!
I fuss and rant about this stuff driving me crazy. I asked Hubby,"When do we get to do Ministry?" "When do we get to go to church and just do what we love without all the crap on us? "

As I sat down this morning (after an exhausting morning at church yesterday) I was trying to figure out my emotions. And that question to my hubby popped back in my mind. (which is normally God...tapping me on the shoulder) "When do we get to do ministry?" I sat here feeling very defeated. Yah! (i told myself) When DO we get to do ministry? I am so tired of PEOPLE getting in my way. Don't they know that they are stopping US from doing MINISTRY?
(ok I am sure you can see where this is going)
And then it happened.... that DUH moment. Where God is probably sitting back waiting patiently for me to WAKE UP! All of those "rewards and pains" ARE our ministry. Dealing with and helping these people is what God has called us to.

Matthew 25:34-35 34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

The verse should include.. when I was upset, you listened. When I was happy, you laughed with me. When I was mad at you, you loved me. When I wanted to talk, you weren't in a hurry to go home. When I needed a friend, you were it.

God forgive me for not seeing ministry for what it is. Forgive me for being impatient with your people and not taking the time to recognize their needs and striving to help them. Forgive me for being selfish and for ever thinking that ministry was about me. Thank you for helping me to see that ministry is about Life. Both mine and the people around me. About living mine for you and doing anything I can to help others be able to make the same choice. Thank you for ministering to me this morning.