Merry Christmas

I pray that your Christmas was wonderful and full of love. Thank you to so many for doing so much. God is good!

Porcupine

My Favorite NEW tradition that we started this year is one just for hubby and me. We decided that we would buy each other an ornament that represented the past year. Here is mine to him. A Porcupine. (Look closely. It is brown glass.)

My card to him read...... I know that there are many things that stick out over the past year that were painful, but at least I got to go through them with you.

2008- It's been a year of GREAT lessons.

Ok, you are not seeing double and NO I didn't mess up and re-post a blog. I wanted to re-post and add a little. I wanted to show how God was so amazing in all of the craziness of the past year. It is pretty cool!

*January*
-Diagnosed with Crohns God taught me to live instead of plan to live
-Missed our mission trip to Guatemala. Thank God I got sick before we left
-Spent a week in the hospital. Family was already planned to be in our home to take care of the kids due to the fact that we were supposed to be out of the country.
-Resigned from church because there wasn't enough money for the entire staff. Stepped out on faith that God would meet our needs. And "our daily bread" is always on time :-)
*February*
-Moved from a house that we could no longer afford. God dropped a job in my lap that we could not pass up. So we moved to Hubby's hometown.
-Moved into Hubby's childhood home. God's timing is incredible! Hubby's childhood home was empty and his parents willing for us to move in.
-I went to work full-time outside the home. Again, the job was just dropped in our lap. A christian bookstore.
-Hubby went to work full-time in side the home. (homeschooling, housing dealing, family sanity maintainer.) The opportunity for our children to see a man (my hubby, their daddy) fantastically step up to the incredible task of homeschooling 2 while and taking care of our home, is absolutely a gift from God.
March-August
- were a little calm. We spent many days at the pool. Trying to drown our $$ problems. Or at least having so much fun that we just forgot about the problems. Rest! even if it was small and/or delusional, it was rest.
*June* Slowly beginning to see the inevitable with my health. We knew that surgery was around the corner. God, gave me a brother who has gone down this road before me. And though my brother may not see it as something SO great, I sure do. His experience and willingness to share have given me so much.
*July* I got a new store manager, and then found out we had a date scheduled for my colon surgery. My new store manager has Crohn's. (Are you serious GOD??) This one was huge. A job dropped in my lap. And at the time that I need surgery, I get a new store manager who has the same disease as me.
*August*
-Surgery at a hospital 1 hour away. Hubby's parents keeping the kiddos. And my stay was shortened because my recovery was great.
-Removed 10inches of my colon. 10 inches must weigh something Right?? So this one we will call weight loss. :-)
-Out of work for 6 weeks. (This was good because it was paid) Hmmm, paid 6 weeks off. With my favorite 5 people on the planet. I'LL take IT! Thanks God.
*September*
-Returned to work. A job that welcomed me back.
-Began to prepare for Christmas at my store.
*October*
-Received foreclosure papers for our home in Maryland.
-Began to prepare for a weekend trip to visit a church for a potential job. A church who knows and understands all of our financial woes, and still wants us to visit.
*November*
-Visited potential church. God opening doors.
-Filed for Bankruptcy. Relief someway, somehow.
-House auctioned off (we think) Closure one step at a time.
-Dental bill that made us poorerererer. Money from amazing places has shown up to help.
*December*
-I turned 30. WOW! I'm still alive.
-IRS is trying to make us pay an INSANE amount of money for taxes that we DON"T owe. I am not sure where God is in the IRS, but I know that he is there somewhere. ;-)
-I had a woman yell at me because I wished her Merry Christmas. I learned that Christmas is not about what we say, but about how we live.

Bottom line.... No matter how many troubles we have.... no matter how many battles we fight.... God remains the same. He is the same this year as he was last year. I am thankful for the lessons that have been learned and the lessons that are yet to be taught.

Merry Christmas.

2008- It's been a helluva year.

*January*
-Diagnosed with Crohns
-Spent a week in the Hospital
-Missed our mission trip to Guetamala.
-Resigned from church because there wasn't enough money for the entire staff.
*February*
-Moved from a house that we could no longer afford.
-Moved into Hubby's childhood home.
-I went to work full-time outside the home.
-Hubby went to work full-time in side the home. (homeschooling, housing dealing, family sanity maintainer.)
March-August- were a little calm. We spent many days at the pool. Trying to drown our $$ problems. Or at least having so much fun that we just forgot about the problems.
*June* Slowly beginning to see the inevitable with my health. We knew that surgery was around the corner.
*July* I got a new store manager, and then found out we had a date scheduled for my colon surgery.
*August*
-Surgery at a hospital 1 hour away.
-Removed 10inches of my colon.
-Out of work for 6 weeks. (This was good because it was paid)
*September*
-Returned to work.
-Began to prepare for Christmas at my store.
*October*
-Received foreclosure papers for our home in Maryland.
-Began to prepare for a weekend trip to visit a church for a potential job.
*November*
-Visited potential church.
-Filed for Bankruptcy.
-House auctioned off (we think)
-Dental bill the made us poorerererer.
*December*
-I turned 30.
-IRS is trying to make us pay an INSANE amount of money for taxes that we DON"T owe.
-I had a woman yell at me because I wished her Merry Christmas.


BUT.

I have my health,we all have our health,we have each other, and I have a God who promises to walk with us through all of the crap we go through. I recently heard this song on another blog. I couldn't help but to see how it paints us and our emotions so well.



Whatever your doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but some how there's peace.....

Time to face up. Clean this old house. Time to breathe in, and let everything out.

I believe that you are up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly.


God, Thank you for 2008. Thanks for not killing us ;-) Thank you for the lessons that we have learned. God I pray that we have shown ourselves faithful to you. I know that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, but, thank you for 2009. And if we don't make it to 2009, then I thank you for heaven because I know that either one has to be better than 2008.

Much love.

This is what made me laugh tonight!

 

Complete plan

Do you ever think crazy things like:

What would have happened if Jesus wouldn't have made it to the cross?

What if Mary had tripped and fallen when she was pregnant?

What if Joseph would have refused to take Mary as his wife?

What if Caesar had found Jesus before Mary and Joseph left for Egypt?

What if Jesus hadn't walked on water?

Call me a little crazy but I was thinking about this stuff the other day. And then I caught myself and said,"Duh! OF course none of these things could have happened." It couldn't have happened because God had this great plan for Jesus. Most of us couldn't even fathom what life would be like if God's plan had failed. (I seems so insane to even try to wrap my mind around God's plan for Jesus failing.)
I know all of this seems crazy. But I began to realize that we think these kinds of things all of the time. Each time I worry about my children or my husband. Each time I worry, I am also not trusting God. I am not trusting that HE wrote and finished our story a long time ago, just like He wrote and finished Jesus' story.

My lesson for this week..... Trust God in the same way that He LOVES us. Completely.

Great lines

Here are some funny lines that I have heard in my world over the past couple of weeks.

- Jesus is coming back in 2012. * A middle schooler at church this morning.

-I asked Pey Pey who is coming to our house on Christmas morning? She said," Baby Jesus. Because he is coming to see Santa."

-"I was reincarnated 4 times." * A customer. (and she was serious)

-"Mommy, you are not nice. I am going to spank your hiney." (then I got tickled at how serious she was and I started to laugh. I tried very hard not to but I couldn't help it.) Then she said, "Mommy I am NOT kiddin' ."
"I know you are very serious," I told her. (But I was still giggling)
"Mommy, did you hear me. I am not kiddin' . And you are making me very upset."

I went out shopping last night with Pey and Little Bear. After we came back home little bear ran up to Hubby and said, "Daddy, Daddy we went shopping and got you a new tool, but it is a secret that I can't tell you." (Hmm, I wonder if darling Daddy knows what his wonderful son got him for Christmas??)

Hope you all have a great week. Take it easy and enjoy the season. Much love.

Isaac Questions?

After my last post I thought I would follow up with some answers to the comments:

My brother wrote:
Great post - I think the real question is - if you knew that it would cost you everything you hold dear in your life, would you say yes?

Truthfully I don't know. I feel like we have laid down so much at this point. I know what the right answer is, but the human answer is a little different. I know that many have gone before us and laid down much more than I could ever imagine. I just pray that when that day comes, I will be strong enough to recognize it and not so stupid that I miss it.

My Hubby's Sister asked:
So, how does this apply to you?

I felt like the story just kind of describes our life up until this point. When we left Texas it was an easy YES. Maryland was full of Great people, nice church, new house, new babies, new beginnings. (though some of those things changed DRAMATICALLY. It was all good when we went there.)
But then we were faced with leaving 1st Maryland Church (1MC) it was hard to stay but harder to leave. So we stayed. For a while.And then almost 8 months later we were faced with leaving again. We felt like the timing was right and now it was time to go. So we prayed that God would move us out of 1MC. We didn't know where and at that point I don't think we cared to much. We were open to go anywhere the God took us. It felt like just as we said the words anywhere, God opened up the opportunity for us to go to 2nd Maryland Church (2MC). What started off as a hard decision to say "YES God , we will go anywhere." Turned out to be a crazy ,"Ok guys if you'll go anywhere, then I will send you down the street."

The other night as I read through the story of Abraham and Isaac something just hit home for me. I feel like life is anyways a roller coaster for us. We are constantly being jerked from one place to another emotionally, but our faith stays true. We know that know matter where we end up next week, next year, 10 years from now, God will use what and who we are to glorify himself. I pray that I will always be tested and show that I am faithful. I pray that I will always be strong enough to so what is asked.

Luv Yall!

Isaac

Do you ever wonder what Abraham thought when God told him to sacrifice his son? I am sure Abraham thought "Uh! You want me to do what?"

But then I think about what went through Abraham's mind when God told him not to sacrifice Isaac. I have a feeling that Abraham felt a little jerked around. Maybe like an emotional rag doll.

He tells God "yes". He says that he will obey. He lays his selfish desires down and trusts. Then just at the moment when all seems lost. He is ready and prepared to kill his beautiful boy, God says STOP! I was just testing you to see if you trusted me.

Genesis 22

It sometimes seems like the very moment that you give in and say ok, is the very moment God changes the plan.

I just thought that I would share what I was thinking about tonight.

Much luv!

Hope

To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

The road that we have traveled over the past year and a half has been rough (to say the least). It has been the most trying time that I have ever faced. I recently read a blog that talked about being "thankful" for things that seem impossible to be thankful for. (She has since deleted the post or I would link you to it. The blog post was on Bring the Rain and some of you may have caught it before she deleted it. She is wonderfully transparent and real) It was one of the most touching blogs that I have read in a long time. (and the comments..... wow.... they just broke my heart.)

The idea was basically Fake it till you make it! She challenged us to write down something that we were NOT thankful for but wanted to be, something that we wanted to praise God for but couldn't, a silver lining that we knew had to be there somewhere, but we haven't found it yet. (These are my words not hers. This is what I heard in my heart as I read her blog.) As I scrolled through the comments I read of divorces, lost children, death, sicknesses, hurt after hurt after hurt. Some that I read went like this:

Thank you God for the father of my children who abandoned us this year.

Thank you God for my 3rd miscarriage.

Thank you God for the death of my Mom.

Thank you God for my cancer.

As I began to read the tears began to flow. These comments were from women who were hurting, and reaching out, grasping on to hope. Hope, that someway, somehow they would one day be truly Thankful. But today, they just weren't there. The comment that stuck out to be the most was one that said : Thank you God for 2000.

It hit home..... because mine would say 2008.

This has been the hardest year of my life. My head knows that God has used all that we have gone through to bring glory to him and because of that I desperately want to be THANKFUL, but my heart is feeling something a little different. My heart still feels the sting of all the things that have gone wrong.

When I think back over the past year I feel like I have lived out a Lifetime movie. (Minus the drug addicted neighbor who decides to kill the teacher who was sleeping with the judge who convicted her brother of armed robbery at the local supermarket where the cashier worked who sold her her drugs :-)(sorry I have an active imagination)

I am convinced that someday I must "Fake it till I make it". Some days I must choose to be thankful even when I am not feelin' it. Like when I am sick again, or when our house is sold in a foreclosure auction, or when ends don't meet again, I will choose to be thankful, even if I have to fake it a little.

One day my heart and my head will agree on this subject, but for now I will place my hope in God, who promises to help me when I am weak.

Romans 8:26-28 (NLT)
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

There is a song that God uses (almost everyday) to speak to my hurt. It is by Addison Road called Hope Now. I find my self in tears all to often as I sing the words:

When I call out Your name

Something inside awakes in my soul

How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I think that we often forget that we are His. It is amazing to me what happens when we call out his name. I may not be able to always be thankful for situations that come, but I am thankful for a God who gives us hope. For a God who uses evil for good. For a God who knows that one day I will be thankful for all that we have been through, and who patiently waits for me to arrive. The song goes on to say: I am not my own, I have been carried by you all my life. Everything rides on Hope now. Everything rides on faith somehow, when the world has broken me down, your love sets me free.

Thank you God for loving me and being my shelter from the storm. Thank you for being my hope, because your love has truly set us free.

and

Thank you God for 2008.

**Update- This seemed like a real downer blog, but that wasn't how I meant it. Things are definitely, hopefully :-) moving in a good direction. We healing and moving forward. I am so grateful that God has protected our family through all of this. We can definitely see where He has held us close.

Many thoughts

This week has been a full week. So I welcome this weekend to be off and to rest. My week began last Friday (yes I know that the week doesn't actually begin on a Friday. But please just humor me with understanding.) I begin again.... My week began last Friday where I spent around 2 hours and 45 minutes in the dentist office. And 2 hours and 30 minutes with my mouth wide open and turned half upside down. I opted to have all of, my much needed, dental work done in one visit. (for scheduling purposes)
As our "week" went on, slowly everyone in our house was getting sick with the wonderful sinus/cough/runny nose/feel like crap sickness. I stayed home from church on Sunday with all of the kids just because we felt pretty rotten. Monday came I went to work and Hubby went to the doctor with the little kids. Only to be told "they have a cold". (thought: Hello can I have our life savings back? Yeah, the one that you just took and called a "co-pay".) The week went on and Wednesday landed me at the doctor with a sinus infection. Thursday, Hubby went to the doctor for the same diagnosis. (at least we got antibiotics out of our doctor)
Thursday night my brother called me about a death in our family. A cousin on my father's side. My brother's blog sheds wonderful light on her death. My heart has been so heavy since Thursday night. Her death was sudden and tragic, and it has left many people hurt and confused. I am broken hearted for the parents who have lost their child and children who have lost their mother. She was many things to many people, so she will be forever missed.
Today, hubby left with one of the older girls to head to a VT game. It will be her first. Dad was pretty excited to show her around his beloved VT. They packed a suitcase full of warm clothing that they planned to put on once they got there. Right now it is 28 degrees in Blacksburg, Va. I am sure that they will have a freezing, good time.
Shel and I have spent the better part of the day cooking. Actually, she has been cooking and I have been her moral support. She made a wonderful beef stew and some fantastic chocolate chip/devils food cake cookies. It is always great to spend time individually with the kids.
As you have read, this week has been long. (especially since it began on last Friday) Next week will be a busy week in the store I am in. As it includes Thanksgiving and Black Friday. I am sure that it will be full of people who are unthankful and greedy. But I will pray that somewhere in that crowd, will be people who remember it is Thanksgiving and who know the true meaning of Christmas, and if not... I will kick them in the shin and remind them.... just kidding (kind of) hopefully I can try to be the calm in the "storm" of retails version of Christmas (that is a whole different blog so I won't go there now)

Have a great weekend! Please keep my Father's side of the family in your prayers this weekend.
God, thank you for the business of this past week. Thank you for using it to remind me that you are the God of peace in a world that is crazy. Thank you for holding my health in your hands and giving me each day to live with my family. Please continue to keep us focused and real.

Friend

What is the definition of Friend?

Webster says:
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4: a favored companion

Facebooks says:
Your friends on Facebook are the same friends, acquaintances and family members that you communicate with in the real world. You can use any of the tools on this page to find more friends.
A judge ruled that friends on facebook are not REAL friends. (read here)

Friends Tv show
(Aired now by WB) Says:
A show about friendship... where your friends are your family.



Jesus Says:
John 15:12-15 (NIV)
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:12
The Message
11-15"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.


My point....

There are many definitions of a friend. From giving your life....to....clicking a friend request button. The world obviously waters down the true definition of friend, quite a bit. We live in a society where friendship is a matter of convenience. It is all about "what can I get out of it". Once the friendship doesn't serve OUR needs, then we cut it off. But when Jesus talks about friendship he talks about it in a different way. He talks about loving your friends and even laying down your life for your friends. Jonathan loved David like his own soul. 1 Samuel 18:1-3
I guess my real point in all of this is that we should think before we call someone a FRIEND. My life has consisted of many people that I have called my friend, and I admit wrongly so. Many of these people fit the world's definition to a T. Their "friendship"has proven to be a demonstration of my selfishness (and insanity :-) I have titled them FRIEND because I was I needed something (known or unknown). Shame on me for putting such an important title on a person that could not fulfill the role.

It is said that "you can name your true friends on one hand"....I would agree. Our true friends have loved us more than I could ever have dream. They have stood beside us through it all. And they have invested in something that will last a life time. You have painted a picture of what true friends look like.

Thank you.
Phil.1:3-6
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

There is more than corn...

We are slowly getting back in the groove this morning after a long weekend away. Hubby and I had the pleasure of getting out of town for the weekend w/o kiddos. We headed to Indiana to visit a church. We also were very excited to get to see Hubby's sister and her family.

Over the next weeks please take some time and pray for us and for ECC (the church we visited). Everyone will be taking steps in some direction and everyone will need much prayer in order to do that. We know that we serve a God who has already written what will happen. We know that we serve a God who's timing and planning is perfect. And we know that we serve a God who loves us. So please pray for all of us through this process.



On a little less serious note... this weekend was great. Tons of laughs and new friends. Here are some of the interesting things that I learned this weekend:

1: It is stinkin cold there... and they still call it fall.

2:POP? Uh... translation please: Coke.

3: It is really cold and it isn't winter yet. YIKES!

4:A Worship song might sound like a song from a Barbie movie , if you play it over and over in your head ?? (At least in some peoples head. Thanks Carla)

5:Sticky pads apparently don't kill large rats, even if you come at them with oven mitts and BBQ tongs. (Thanks Greg)

6: Did I say that it was cold? Oh and windy! And it isn't winter there yet.

7: White Mocha is good fuel for the body and it warms you up.

8: Bumper sticker: Proud Child of a tobacco free parent.

9: LOST is a universal language amongst the intelligent. (Yes, that means if you don't watch LOST you aren't.....)

10: You really can have a RAM show up in your back yard in Indiana.

11: It is really, really windy and cold there.



Bottom line.... There is more than corn in Indiana.

Worship Leaders born or developed???

Changed in 1996

Today is always an interesting day for me emotionally. I am happy and excited to see my beautiful girls turn 1 year older. But it is also a day that I tend to stop (if only for a moment) and remember the chain of events that led to Oct. 31, 1996.
My heart becomes sad and my emotions raw. Then I wonder... "do I feel like this because I have not let go? Or because I have not forgiven?" But I don't think so. I feel like this because I am simply acknowledging the place that God brought me from to where I am now. And I remember that was the day that I learned the true meaning of grace. God loved me enough (though completely undeserving) to gift me with 2 beautiful baby girls.
And then my brief moment of sadness ends and it is replaced with relief. My girls and I lived through a moment in our lives that could have defined us all completely. But instead, that moment was just 1 building block on who we are and who we will become. Through that 1 moment God has placed a burning passion in my heart to help those who can not help themselves. (the weak, the young, the sick) And I know that is because, we were once those people.
Everyone doesn't have the type of family around them like we did, everyone is not supported and loved through a teenage pregnancy. I wonder how different our world would be if people felt loved, truly loved, when they made bad choices. I bet alot would change, and I am sure that abortion #'s would change, and divorce rates would drop. (I know enough enough:-)
So I am off to enjoy a birthday that has meaning much deeper than a layer of icing or the wrapping on a package. To enjoy the celebrating of a day that 12 years ago sparked a passion, to love people differently. To love without judging, to love without needing a payoff, to hopefully love as Christ loves us. God used my girls to radically change me and the way I see others. I am sure that is why I now have a God sized hole in my heart that only He can fill with a life in ministry.

Girls,
Happy Birthday. Thank you for changing me in ways that you may never understand. Thank you for giving me a new life to live and a new reason for living it. The choices that I made in my life that led to you being born can never be changed. I can not erase the past, I can only use it for God's glory. God took a broken time in my life and healed my circumstances through your birth. You all are blessing beyond my wildest imagination. God made you perfect and with perfect plan laid out for your lives. I pray that you always seek him and trust that it is all for His glory. Happy Birthday my beautiful 12 year olds.


Oh God, you are mighty and just. You have loved me unconditionally in a way like none other. You used two wonderful little people to mold my life into something that I would have never dreamed. You used my circumstances to ignite a passion. You caused me to love differently, completely. You have provided a family and a Husband that is greater than words can express. And you loved me enough to save me from the certain death of my sins. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for trusting me enough to be a parent. And thank you that when I screw up, you forgive me over and over again. I pray for my Girls today. I pray that you will hold them close and protect them. God I pray that you give them passion and purpose to live for you. And I thank you for all that I have been through, because it has led me to where I am. You are good.

Family Night #3 Hawaiian Night

We had a great family night last night. Here is the Blog.

Thank you

If you have ever been through tough times (like we are right now) then you understand. You understand what it is like to have to lay your pride down and accept help, prayers, love, attention and so on and so on. Some of these are easier than others. I am a person who never gives up or gives in.
(Except when I know it is a fight I can't win, or a game with no winners, or Hubby is too smart and I can't get any of the answers on Jeopardy before him) sorry I digress.

Point is ... I am a fighter. It takes alot for me to ask for help.

But God is changing that.

This is not a "rainy, pouty, I'm so sad ...Eeyore" post. But instead this blog is about how God is shining through our circumstances. I read once that you can only see a rainbow when it rains. (hmmm, God is a much better therapist than Dr.Phil)

As we have moved from state to state, city to city, church to church, God has allowed us to meet some of the most amazing people. (and some I wish I could forget ;-) And some, we are even lucky enough to tag as friends.

A friend once tried to help me and I said "no thanks" and in his wisdom He said, "God has laid it on our hearts to help you. If you don't let us then you are stopping the blessing for both of us."

From then on I have learned.... accept help. What if you prayed that God would give you someone to help today....and when that person came along, they said no thanks.

As our family is traveling down this tough road, there are people who have listen when God said "Help them", "Pray for them", "Call them". I can't say that one act has meant more than another, because they are all wonderful and in perfect timing. Our hearts are full, our family is great, and our hope is in Him; simply because each of you were the hands and feet of Christ, to us.

Each of you, and you know who you are,(one day when I write my book I will list you off) are our family. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for carrying us in your prayers when we can't carry ourselves. Thank you calling at just the right time, to say "we love you". Thank you for giving financially in ways that have blown our minds.

God thank you for the gift of friendship. Thank you for allowing us the opportunities to have wonderful families by blood and some we call family by choice. God, your love is amazing. You constantly provide for our every need. I pray that one day we will be gifted with the opportunity to return the blessings to our family and friends in the ways that they have blessed us. Thank you for life. Thank you for allowing me to live it among such wonderful people.

Thank you for the rain.... because the rainbow is proving to be sooooo beautiful.

Life with Ambian

Ok I must say sorry for the last blog I wrote.
Because I don't remember writing it.
I occasionally take ambian to help me sleep, when I am jacked up on prednisone or jacked up on stress. (Either one keeps me from sleeping) But the down side is that about 15 minutes after I take it, I don't remember much. I am very cautious to only take it when I am "safe" and at home. Hubby has many funny stories about conversations that I have had, food that I have eaten, and now we can testify to blogs that I have written. Somewhere in my mind I vaguely remember writing it. In fact I remember it like I dreamed it. I even remember yesterday thinking , "Hmm that would be a great blog to ask people about what kind of animal they would be?" Apparently I would be a giraffe. ???? OK... sure why not.
If you were unfortunate enough to read it.... then I am sorry. The great thing is that blogger has this wonderful little button DELETE.

Life would be no fun if you couldn't laugh at your self.

Mike, yes... I watch the Mentalist. :-) and I thought that part of the show was really ineresting. Apparently so interesting that it made me write about it.

Heavy heart

This past week I have had a very heavy heart. I found that I love the ministry opportunities the my store allows, but I ache to be home. I am trying to find a way to reconcile those two things. Obviously I have to be at work right now, but when that day comes that I get to be back home, how do I deal with the ache to reach out to hurting people? In the right church environment "ministry" outwards can be done well, God glorifying, and be full filling. But in the wrong church environment "ministry" becomes about programing and country clubbing. We have been there done that and my heart can't take being a part of a bench warming church again. I know that God knows that and I know that he has the perfect place set aside for us to serve. As those "moments" walk through the door of my store, I have learned to cherish them. And as those "mommy moments" come as I walk through the door of my home, I have learned to cherish those even more.

So tonight my heart is heavy. But not heavy because off lack of money, high stress, sickness, lack of job, the economy, or the election. It is heavy because there is a big gaping hole in the middle of it. A ministry size hole that only the right church can fill.

God please open the doors of the right church for Hubby to be on staff at. Please meet our heart needs to love people and share your love with people. God please ease my burdens and carry my heart.

9

I used to wonder when my marriage would finally be normal. You know when a couple gets to that point when they are past the mushy feeling, emotional roller coaster and real life begins. I used to long for a time to come when we would just know what the other was thinking without having to ask. A time when we could finish each other's sentences. In some ways I longed for a marriage that some might call dull and routine. I longed for that "old pair of jeans" kind of feelin'.

I know that one could do an entire thesis on my emotions and yes I could probably even land my self on a Dr. Phil episode (maybe even a full week) and he could "Dr.Phil" my emotions and feelings to death. I am sure He would use all of his one liners like:
“You can't change what you don't acknowledge.”
“We teach people how to treat us.”
“It's time to get real!”
“Are you doing what you're doing today because you want to do it, or because it's what you were doing yesterday?”

But the fact is... dull and boring was a fairytale that I was chasing.
But somewhere in the past 9 years I realized that we will never hit dull and boring. Maybe it was after the second set of twins that I questioned,"what is normal, anyway?" And I realized that real life is something that we have always had that is why it never had to BEGIN. Our marriage has always had that "old pair of jeans" feelin'. I just hadn't grown into them yet. After 9 years my jeans fit pretty good. And in fact I feel pretty sexy in them (hmm, where did that come from?? anyway...)
Though the past 9 years have not been the most perfect... but they have been a perfect fit for us. I could not have dreamed up the stories that we have lived through. (both good and bad) God has shown me that not only is He the God of all, the designer of everything, and perfectly loving, but He is also absolutely hysterical. He knows exactly how much we can survive and at what point we will be declared insane.

God , thank you for loving me enough to create someone for me to share my life with. Thank you for giving me a husband to love me through my past and to love me into our future. Thank you for giving me a best friend to endure all of the hardships of life . And thank you for giving me a husband to laugh at ...I mean with.






Steven,
Thank you for loving me for this short 9 years. Thank you for always laughing with me at this insanity we call our life. (and for laughing at my hiking boots that day) You truly are the other side of me. You keep me on track when I seem to loose my way. And most of all... your love paints a picture of how Christ loves the church. Thank you for living Ephesians 5:25-33. I Love you. Happy Anniversary.


25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[c] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


PS Sorry about the cheesey video. I was only after the song.

Apples apples apples

Yesterday we took advantage of a rare opportunity and hit the road for a short day trip. We went to an apple orchard and picked apples. It was an absolutely beautiful day. The drive took us about 1 hour 15 minutes, but no one seemed to mind. The orchard is on top of a mountain, with a breath taking view. The kiddos seemed to love picking apples. I think that was partly because you could eat your way through the orchard. What could be better then getting to pick your snack right off the tree? (except getting to pee in the grass next to the car.) It was a day full of the kind of rest and relaxation that makes you exhausted. You know how you feel after vacation? How you just need to rest. Yesterday was supposed to be family night (complete with a theme and menu) but we threw that out the window and enjoyed a family day with an apple theme. Here are some pictures.


Much love to you all.

Stories

This week has consisted of a yelling pastor, a woman whose nephew was just diagnosed with leukemia, a catholic man who just discovered new life, and a recovering addict trying desperately to stay clean.

Of all of these stories I am not sure which one has affected me the most.

The Pastor was yelling, he was rude and he was condescending. He reminded me of the fact that Pastors are human. He also reminded me that sometimes Pastors forget that they are human. Many times they wear the "I'm Entitled" crown. BUT Some pastors are the most gentle people, with servants hearts, and LOVE people. But some are NOT.

The woman whose nephew had just been diagnosed with leukemia was obviously sad. But she was angry and fearful as well. She sat in front of me and wept for a life that she may loose. This precious 6 year old may not make it to 7, but her hope was in a God who could heal him immediately if it was His will.

The Catholic man was the most excited of all the people. He had recently been to a church unlike any he had ever attended. He had grown up Catholic and that is all he had ever known. The repeated prayers, the formal dress, the confessions, the same thing every week (all his words not mine). His wife had been attending a new church but he didn't want any part of it. Finally he gave in and went with her. He said that the lack of "dress code" made him a little uncomfortable (since that is all he had ever known) but when the Pastor explained to him that "dress" was the least of their concerns. Heart and worship have nothing to do with what you wear. He was buying a new Bible for both he and his wife and he couldn't wait to for Sunday.

The last woman came in asking for an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) book. She quickly explained how she had given her book away to someone who she thought needed it more. But now she was desperately in need of help. As she spoke to me I noticed that she had begun to sweat. She said, "I need one of those books and I can't wait until 7:30 tonight at my NA meeting to get a new one because I need it now." By this point she was weeping. Telling me how she is trying so hard to make it, how she is trying to take one step at a time, but today was proving to be too hard. I showed her a couple of books on addiction and then a Bible that is dedicated to the 12 step program. She desperately snatched the bible from my hands and said "I'll take this one".
As she paid for the bible she was able to force a slight smile and then she left. It broke my heart to realize that her NA meeting was only 4 hours away, but to her, that 4 hours was threatening her very life.

The absolute best part of my job is the people I meet and the stories that they tell. God uses each one of these people to impact my life in profound ways. It is daunting for me to sit here in my chair tonight and remember these people and their lives. To think through the fact that they are still living their stories despite the fact that I have clocked out. I pray that I will never forget them or the stories that their lives have told me.

Songs from a series

Here are a couple of songs that were used in the series that we finished up today One Month To Live. I have said before that music always speaks to me in a huge way and this month has been no different. I thought I would pass on the songs and the lyrics so that you could get a small glimpse into what has impacted me.


(PS. the only video I could find of this song that I likes was this one, but I didn't mind, because I thought it was very fitting. The movie the Notebook definitely puts a great story to the words of this song.)
100 years - Five For Fighting
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live



Live Like You Were Dyin - Tim McGraw

He said I was in my early forties,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, and this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.


I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

Be Blessed

What does that really mean? Or what do you really mean when you say the word "bless".
Bless you-after a sneeze.
God bless you- Tryin' hard to say somethin churchy. Or writing a letter asking for money.
Bless her heart-Awww, she's is such an idiot.
Bless their soul- What a Dummy!
(Ok, for some of you who say those things and really are "blessing" someone, I apologize)

Most of you know that I work for a Christian bookstore. I was recently chewed out by a wonderful customer (note the sarcasm) because we don't say "Have a blessed day" or "God bless you". I must say, I was completely taken back.
I have been chewed out by a number of customers on all sorts of things. Everything from a bible not being on sale (chewed by a pastor), a Hymnal having "Worship" on the cover instead of Baptist(chewed by a Music minister), to a Minister's discount not being given to a church member (note I said a MINISTER's discount not given to a CHURCH member)
But.... this one topped the chart. Her argument was, because we are a Christian bookstore, we should shine God's love to our customers. We should be telling everyone, "have a blessed day" and "God bless you". Right before she hung up the phone she said," I just want to help you all out, and I wanted to bless your day." I guess she was shining "God's love" by chewing me out.

What did this woman REALLY want? To cause trouble? Constructive criticism? To make me laugh? To bless me? To scold me?
I know what she SAID she wanted, "to bless my day". But I can guarantee you ,that did not happen. After I got up off the floor from my laughter, I began to think about all that she had said. (and then I started laughing again at the fact that she was almost Yelling at me. but then I gained my composer and began to think again, (while still giggling))
It did make me think about the whole "blessing" thing. I know that if I said "have a blessed day" to every customer the I dealt with, it would quickly become meaningless. (That hoping it had meaning in the first place.) I wonder how often that happens in our lives. How often do we say, "Have a great day. How are you doing today? It is great to see you. I love honey (to your loved one of course. It would be kind of odd if you said that to the check out lady at Walmart or the hole puncher at Sams... Sorry I digress)

My lesson for the day..... mean what you say and say what you mean.

If I had one month to live..... My blessings would be real and I would definitely mean what I say. Living Life without regrets.

God help me to be authentic and transparent. Help me live with no regrets knowing that my life is just a mist. Help me to show up for each day that you gifted me.

Busy couple of weeks

The past 2 weeks have been a little crazy. A birthday, I went back to work, new sport, and alot of church. Here are some snaps from the craziness.

Happy Birthday Hubby!! It was Sept. 11 (I am a little late with the post)






Mr. Lincoln Eyes!








All my children




Karate Kids



I am not sure what this is but Pey called it "Karate".




Hope you enjoy. I will catch up soon.

For this moment!

"What if God created me for THIS moment?!?"

What if you are living in a situation, whether it be good or bad, and it is THE very reason/purpose that God created you for?

What if you were created to work in a crappy job, just so you could have that 1 encounter with a person, and change their life?

What if you were created to speak kindly to someone, who is thinking of death?

What if you were created to have crohns disease so that you could have that 1 moment with someone, and let them know that you understand their pain?

What if you were created for this school year, so that you could be that 1 teacher who changed their life?

What if your moment was Sept. 11? Your moment was to say.. "Let's Roll".

What if you were created for today. Only today. How would you live differently? Would you go through the day keeping a lookout for "your moment"?

What if you missed YOUR moment because you were in a bad mood, tired, held a grudge, scared, selfish? What if you missed one of those moments and it cost them their life or their eternity?

Well that is how I see life. God created us for special moments. For life changing moments.

I know that God created us to have many life changing special moments that are meant to point others to Him. I also know that God doesn't NEED us to fulfill His plans. But, what a great privilege that we can be a part of the incredible story that He has written.

God please help me to be aware of what is around me. Help me not to miss the "moment" that you created me for. Thank you for letting me a part of this story that you wrote before life existed.

A date with a Pirate.

If I were going to go on a date with a pirate there are certain things that are a must:

1. He must be handsome.
2. He must be funny.
3. He must have a great "ARRRRRRR!"
4. And he MUST wear a patch.

Today I got my date with my pirate.

Little Bear decided to play "catch the flying stuffed animal" with his sister. Normally this isn't a bad game to play. But this game would typically require that you catch the "flying stuffed animal" with your hands. Well, Bear decided to catch with his face.

The story goes like this:

Bear comes screaming into my bedroom holding his eye. I have no idea if he is missing an eye, got something stuck in it, or all of the above. I am holding his arms down so he won't rub his eye, while trying to look into his eye (which thank the Lord was still intact). I could see a small scratch on his cornea, so I was a little nervous. I wasn't sure what kind of doctor to go see. The ER, a pediatrician, an opthamologist????All the while I am asking Pey Pey (a 3 year old)what happened.

Pey: Fraydo did it!

Mom: (While fighting to look into Bear's eye as he screams and is freaking out) Pey! what happened to Bear?

Pey: Fraydo did it mom! Fraydo!

Mom: Pey! I am serious. What happened? And DO NOT tell me Fraydo did it. (Thinking at this point that Fraydo MUST be a new imaginary friend.)

Pey: MOM! Fraydo the chicken got Bear's eye.

Mom: Oh! You mean Alfredo the chicken. (Light bulb moment. The big girls named a beanie baby chicken, Alfredo.)

Pey: UH, yeah! (her toned screamed, DUH!)

Fast forward 30 minutes or so.....

We called an eye doctor and had an appointment. Hubby and I took the little guy to the eye doctor around 4pm today. After getting him some numbing drops he was much better. In fact he was putting on his usually show. He had everyone in the office laughing up a storm. They put some medicine in his eye and then put a patch on it. As soon as they taped the patch on, he let out a nice "ARRRRRRRR!" "I a pirate now".

He is sleeping now and we have a follow up appointment tomorrow. It has been an adventure of a day. But after all.... isn't that what life with a pirate is supposed to be.

Much Love.

Family Night #1

Follow me to my other blog!

Conversations heard around our house #2

On our ride home from church yesterday...



Pey: Mom, when I grow up I'm gonna be a boy.

Mom: Pey, girls don't grow up to be boys. God made you a girl.

Pey: No, no, no mom, I grow up to be a boy, then I die and become a girl again. Ok?!


(There were so many things wrong with that statement that I just shook my head and went
on :-)

____________

This morning...

Mom: Good morning Bear.

Bear: Mom,The sunshine has not eatin' breakfast yet.

Mom: ??????HUH?????

Bear: and ...He's a boy.

Mom: Who?

Bear: (frustrated) The sunshine!

Mom: Oh. How do you know?

Bear: Because when he grows up he will be big like me.

Mom: Oh, ok. (what was I thinking.)
____________________

Pey: Mom, I am going to church. HEY BUB!!! Let's go to church ok?!?

Mom: Ok, see you later. (They go hand in hand down the hall to their bedroom. I can hear them talking and going on and on about something.)

Mom: Hey guys, what are you doing?

Pey: Shhhhhhhhh! We are in church with Brenna and Ken.

Mom: Ok, tell them hi for me.

Pey: Ok mom. BrennaKen mom says hi.

___________
Bear: Can you get me some apple juice?

Mom: Sure, but I can't do it, unless I get a kiss from a prince.

Bear: Oh, oh! I am a prince!

(Then he laid a big kiss on me.)

That last one is my favorite. God always knows how to make me smile. And He usually uses one of the "jewels" that lives with me.

Something New

Over the past week and a half I have been working this blog out in my head. Trying to put words together and to have my thoughts make since. So bear with me and I'll try to pull it together for you.

2 Sundays ago our pastor preached a sermon that put words, to my feelings. He spoke about the purpose of the church. (I know this wasn't the only thing that he spoke about, but this is the part that God wanted me to hear. I know this because I don't remember any of the other stuff.
:-) Sorry Daniel.)

Since the first Sunday we came to Lifepoint Church, we have loved it. To be quite honest I questioned why. Is it the style of music? Is it the breath of fresh air? Is it the comfortable style? Is it the friendliness of everyone? Is it the great preaching? Is it the children's ministry? or Is it a rebound church? (Like a rebound boyfriend. You know you can date pretty much anyone after a bad break-up and they will look like Prince Charming.) Somewhere down inside I think that I have been afraid that I love this church only because......it ISN'T our old church. (if you have ever been in ministry and had to leave a church, you understand this feeling. It is the feeling of relief. It is the feeling of the elephant FINALLY stepping OFF of your chest.)

But then Daniel preached this sermon.

And I realized why I love being a part of my new church.

I will try to summarize what I heard last Sunday.

He told the story of "the woman at the well." He talked about the Living water of Christ.
And then he said,"That's what we (the church) are. A watering station. We are here to hand out the living water of Christ."

That's it!

That was what I heard 2 Sundays ago. I heard a man state a vision for our church, that should be the vision for every church. Church shouldn't be about programs, calenders, self-service (aka:Church service) Church should be about handing out water.
As I sat in my seat 2 Sundays ago, my light bulb went off. I got it. Daniel put into words, what I had been feeling. I love my church because it's priority is reaching broken people, and handing them water. Reaching me, and giving me water. Helping me reach others and hand them water.

This past Saturday Hubby got to be a part of a "Gas buy down". Our church went out to a local gas station and dropped the price buy 50 cents. Then they pumped their gas and washed their windows.

Gas Buy Down 2008 from Josh Lazar on Vimeo.

Some might ask why in the world would we do something like that? Or they must have tons of money to just throw around.
Nope! They were just "handing out water" and loving on a community. The really cool thing is... you can search youtube for gas buy down. And you will see that we are not alone.

I don't tell you any of this to boast or brag about "our church". Because the truth is... Each church can be a watering station.

Or life is tough right now. That is no secret to most of you. But we know that God has a great purpose. It is our honor to spend this season of our life being apart of a church that has this as it's passion. It gives a little bit of purpose to all of the hard ships that we have been facing recently. Because of those things, we get to be a part of this.

Thank you God. Thank you for the rain. It always makes the grass greener.

What are you screaming?

A line I read yesterday...

"Every one's life screams for something. What does your life scream for?"


Since reading that line yesterday, I can't get it out of my head. What does my life scream for? Not, "What do I live for?" But, "What does my life SCREAM for?"

-Social injustice?
-Politics?
-My faith?
-My unfair life?
-My great life?
-Me, Me, Me
-The lost?
-The found?
-The unborn?
-The dying?

What do people hear screaming from my life? What does my life scream, when I don't say a word?

Every one's life screams for something! What does your life scream for?

Fun Monday!

Today started early. We had (much needed) dentist appointments at 8:00am for the kiddos. This was Pey and Bears first visit to the dentist. The big girls went first and then the little ones. Everyone did great and we had zero cavities. That's right with all 4 kids we had NONE. I was so excited. I am not sure how it happened, because God knows it is not because of good dental habits. ( I wish I could say that it is because we brush after every meal and floss daily.) Anyway, I have a dental visit next month and I am sure I will make up for the cavities.

We came home for naps and then headed to the pool for the evening. It was great because it was a little cloudy and there was hardly no one there. So I got wonderful pictures and everyone had a blast.

Here are some of my goodies.

My Men

I wonder what she's laughing at?


My Little Crocodile Hunter

Tears

Ok, now I understand that it is completely wrong to make fun of someone. That being said I am NOT making fun of someone, but I am making fun of something.
While watching the Olympics the other night we got to watch something that I have never seen (on tv.) At they call it sport. :-)




Thoughts that came to mind as I watched and wiped the tears:

• Freezer section at Walmart. (We call it the "Walmart syndrome" because no matter what..... I always have to go to the bathroom when I got o Walmart.)


• The pee pee dance


• When having a Crohn's attack.


• Too much water.


• "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, right now"

To reiterate my previous point. I am not making fun of anyone who is in the event or participates in this sport. But it is the funniest thing I have seen in a while. Aside from "the big red balls."

If you don't laugh at life, then it will laugh at you!!

The next time I go "walking" down the aisle at Walmart and someone wants to know why I am in such a hurry, I am just going to say," I am not in a hurry, I am training."

London 2012. Here I come!

Conversations heard around our house

Mom: Pey, please stop crying....you HAVE to share with your brother.
Pey: But I not want to share.
Mom: Jesus tells us that we need to love everyone and share. (Yes,I know HE didn't really say exactly that, but I try.)
Pey: But mooooooom.........Jesus didn't tell me that.
Mom: (trying to be wise) Ok God tells us that in the Bible.
Pey: But Mom, sometimes princesses cry.
Mom:ok (I think she won that one)

Mom:(While sitting on the toilet) Please, leave me alone. Can't I just poop in peace.
Bear: You poopin'!!! Yay! Daddy need to wipe you, Ok?
Mom: Ok, you go tell him that.


Pey: Hey MOM! I pooped! (Screaming from the bathroom)
Mom: Ok, tell me when your done.
Pey: Mom, it's Huge! Like and elephant trunk.

Mom: Ok goodnight lets say prayers.
Bear: Thank you Jesus for family, food, thunder and lightning (while make lightning sounds), and my monkey puppet dat goes oooooo, ooooo, ahhhh, ahhhhh
Pey: Thank you for da day. Thank you for mommy tummy feeling better. Thank you for our friends. Thank you for Jesus and God being best friends.

Breath of fresh Air!

This weekend has been so nice. I feel somewhat "normal" (whatever that is). Saturday I went out with my big girls and went yardsalin'. And yes, yardsalin' is a verb. The 3 of us have a blast when we get to do it. We get up at the butt crack of dawn and go on "the hunt". We ride all around town looking for good deals and laughing at everything. It is definitely a fun time to be had. We got home around 11 am or so and I was pooped.
Today hubby played in the band at church which meant he had to be there early, which in turn meant that I had to get the rest of us dressed and out the door without him. Normally this isn't a challenge but I was a little concerned with the whole surgery thing. But this morning was a breeze.
I love the church we are at. Each weekend I look forward to going and can say that I am truly excited to be a part. Without fail each Sunday I am punched in a different way, but in a good way. God really uses Lifepoint to feed my soul every Sunday. Today our pastor spoke about prayer. He said alot of great stuff, funny stuff, and relevant stuff. But all I heard was, "Hey, dummy, you don't pray enough." (No he didn't really say that, but that is what I heard in my head.) Wanna hear some good preachin' then here you go.
So this weekend was a breath of much needed fresh air. I am feeling good and my soul was fed.
God is good.

Two steps forward, one small step back

Wednesday was my 2 HUGE steps forward. By having the colon resection I definitely feel as if it was a proactive step in the right direction. My doctor said lets do this now, while your healthy. Hoping to give me the best chance at a quick recovery and a long remission.

My surgery went great. He ended up removing about 4-5 inches of my small intestines and about the same of my large intestines. So all in all it was about 10 inches. When most "normal" adults have about 25 Feet. 10 inches doesn't sound so big. I was able to come home from the hospital on Saturday. I was a little stir crazy on Saturday. Not with the hospital or my house, but with my body. I just couldn't get comfortable. Sitting was bad, laying was bad, standing was tiresome, walking hurt, a shower felt good (but there is only so long you can be in the shower), so I took some pills and finally rested. Sunday was good. I felt better and stronger. I was able to comfortably sit around and BE.
Ok, for me to just BE.....isn't possible. I ended up (with my big girls help) organizing our home school. And of course, I ended up over doing it. So there is my "small step back". Today I have spent most of my day in my bed. I woke up this morning hurting pretty badly. It is a weird sensation to NOT hurt where you have visible incisions. I hurt on the inside at the resection spot.
So I guess I need to take it one step at a time. I am anxious to get going and get back to normal.

I can't say thank you enough for all of the prayers that everyone said. I know that with the success of the surgery and short hospital stay, God has answered them all. He is so good and faithful to give us what we need.
Notice I say need. This is a huge lesson that I am continually being taught right now.
If I got what I wanted right now, that would be: to go eat a big honkin' plate of spicy Mexican food with never ending Coke and fantastic salsa.
But what I need is to be able to be with my family and to be on the road to recovery. With each step I take out of my bed or down a hallway, I am thankful that I am able to do so. I have feeling that I might forget about God for 5.2 seconds if I had a chimichanga in front of me. (I suppose that why God doesn't always give us our wants.)

Time is short

I am 4 days away from having my guts cut out. (Sorry to be so graphic, but how often can someone say "Im gettin' my gut cut out"?)
I must say.... at this point....right now..... I am not nervous or anxious. I am sure that will change come Wednesday morning.
I know that there are alot of prayers going out right now for us and our situation. For that.... I thank you. Please don't let up.

To be transparent for a moment!

I struggle with asking for prayer. I always feel like there are many people worse off and in tougher situation than we are. I feel selfish and self centered. (Maybe this is somewhere God needs to stretch me.) So that being said, I humbly ask for prayers as we go into next week.
Here are some specifics you can pray for:

-The kiddos. That they will have some sort of understanding and peace while I am away in the hospital. Especially the little ones. Because they won't understand fully why I am not at home. Please pray for the big kids to not worry about things. They are at an age where they are learning to worry.
-Hubby- As he travels to and from the hospital. (It is an hour away.) And that he will not be anxious. Also pray for him as he is at home, without any break. Pray that he keeps his sanity. (What little he has left.)
-10:00am Wednesday is when my surgery is scheduled. It should take and hour and a half to complete. We will not know how long my hospital stay will be until the surgery happens. Please pray that the Dr. can do it all laproscopically.
-Recovery to be be quick so that I can come home quick.
-I will miss my family in a HUGE way so please pray for comfort in that.

Thank you so much for your continued prayer. It is a huge comfort for me to know that I am being lifted up. I will keep you posted as I can. Love you all.

Good and Evil

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

This is one of those verses people like to use, alot. It is a Velveeta verse. It is one of those verses that anyone could use to try and look "churchy". Velveeta you can throw it on just about anything and use it to cover what is underneath.
I could see part of this verse on a billboard, next to an angel holding a chocolate bar.
Just use Google images and type in all good and perfect gifts and you'll get my point.

As I sat today and read a little more from The Shack, I was confronted with this:

Excerpt from "The Shack"

"Let me begin by asking you a question. When something happens to you, how do you determine whether it is good or evil?" (Being asked by The Holy Spirit)
Mack thought for a moment before answering. "Well, I haven't really thought about that. I guess I would say that something is good when I like it- when it makes me feel good or gives me a sense of security. Conversely, I'd call something evil that causes me pain or costs me something I want."
"So it is pretty subjective then?" (Holy Spirit)
"I guess it is." (Mack)
"And how confident are you in your ability to discern what indeed is good for you, or what is evil?" (Holy Spirit)
____
So now I sit with the thought and question of "How do I define what is good?"
When I figure that out, I guess my "Velveeta" will taste a little different.


Thoughts?

Tired

Wow! It has definitely been a while since I blogged. I will start by saying what a great day we (our fam.) had. We spent the good part of the day at the pool. It was an exhausting day, but fantastically restful. And much needed. It has been an interesting week or so, emotionally I can't even begin to describe where I am. I guess that is why a day at the pool, with the family was so appreciated.

For the sake of not having a pity party and a depressing blog... I am just going to throw out some prayer request:

1- Aug. 6th- is surgery to remove some of my guts.
2- New store manager for me. So, work is very busy. And I am tired.
3- No job leads for hubby.
4- Emotionally exhausted because of 1,2,3

Though life is what it is for our family right now. We can definitely see God doing some amazing things. I am constantly in awwww of His timing. The hardest thing about all of this is being patient.

Frozen Nuggets

Conversations over the past week have gone like this:

#1
Daddy says: "Hey Pey, I am a mommy"
Pey: "No you not. You not have shaky boobies. Mommies have shaky boobies."

#2
Bear: "I not want my nuggets hot"
Mom: "Ok just let them cool off after I cook them."
Bear: "No!"
(Then he grabs the nugget off the baking pan, still frozen, and begins to eat it."
Mom: Duh! That's not cook yet.
Bear: I like it cold.

#3
Pey: I am a princess and I am going out in the rain. This is my rain coat. Bubby, go get your hat, it is raining.
(Picture above is the finished product.)

#4
Pey is running around without a shirt. So I, trying to be the good mommy say,"Pey, go put your shirt on."
Bear interrupts : "I a man, I not have to wear shirt."
Pey: "I take my shirt off like the girls on the talent show do."

(Little did I know that "America's Got Talent" would have such an impact on her.)


So I ask.... what makes a good parent?

-The fact that "shaky boobies" is a part of our vocabulary.
-I let them eat the nuggets frozen.
-This is normal rain wear.
- Or that I didn't know what to say after #4.